Filed under: grace, humility, imperfection, love, loyalty, patience, pride, relationships, sin, tolerance
Wikipedia says “Toleration and tolerance are terms used in social, cultural and religious contexts to describe attitudes which are “tolerant” (or moderately respectful) of practices or group memberships that may be disapproved of by those in the majority.”
For years I have been hearing about the act of tolerance from schools, government and well meaning people around me. I have tried and tried to grasp it as a way of life but I have finally wrestled with the concept of tolerating enough to have decided that I choose to say no to tolerance.
Tolerance is mentioned just a handful of times in modern translations of the Bible and it is then due to intolerant, sinful behavior. Love, on the other hand, is mentioned in the Bible approximately 1,000 times and when it is used, it is in regards to loving God and loving people. I tolerate you so much. I love you so much. Which sentiment would you rather hear from someone who you know?
I will not deny that tolerance has been a part of my life. It usually sneaks its ugliness into my heart when I have been hurt by someone or when someone reminds me of someone else who has hurt me in the past. A certain look or tone of voice will trigger a previous wound and I will quickly place a new acquaintance into a box of tolerance because I am scarred and scared to take the chance of them being different from the person that they remind me of.
I will not deny that tolerance has been a part of my life. It usually sneaks its ugliness into my heart when I have been hurt by someone or when someone reminds me of someone else who has hurt me in the past.
Other times that I have defaulted to tolerance is when I am not sure how to handle behavior that God has told me in his word in intolerable. Those are the times that I might think that one sin as worse than another so it is easier to avoid interacting with those who struggle with those unspeakable sins. When in doubt, tolerate.
Good Lord, forgive me for tolerating. My sins are no better or worse than someone else’s. The consequences and levels of pain may vary but how dare I choose to hurt them even further by just tolerating them. I have done nothing better than to reject someone when I choose to give crumbs of toleration.
Tolerance is a small part of love but it cannot even come close to replacing love. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” When we tolerate, we stay clear of the mess and there is no sharpening going on which means very little to no growth is happening. I will choose to love. What a wonderful, messy adventure to love.
Love requires more of us. Love will be uncomfortable but it is also so much more rewarding for us and those we love. Love is a choice though. It will not always come easy. I have noticed that when my family and loved ones go through busy and difficult seasons, we often slide into a daze of tolerating one another just to get over the waves. It is when we choose to love once again at a conscious level that we finally remember the vast difference between tolerance and love.
Have you been so busy tolerating that you have forgotten how to love. And yes, by loving, I mean loving everyone! I have realized that when I tolerate, I am dismissing a higher value that I have, the value of love.
If you have forgotten how to love, 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 is a great place to redefine love. “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
I hope that you will join me in saying no to tolerance.
Filed under: depression, forgiveness, freedom, humility, imperfection, joy, love, relationships
What is it that stops us from growing from a close, mediocre relationship with God to an intimate relationship with him? What is the default that we lean on when we feel tired, apathetic, scared or angry with God and others? I discovered one of my “dead zones” when I admitted to myself that I thought that it was not a big deal when I subconsciously, and maybe sometimes consciously, thought that stopping would just mean I would stay put. I would just take a break from living out my salvation. I thought I had a pause button on my own growth.
We must alter our lives in order to alter our hearts, for it is impossible to live one way and pray another. — William Law
I have learned that we actually are more like a car when it comes to our emotional, spiritual and even physical condition. Life is full of valleys and mountains and if we are in the valley it is easy to stay put and feel that we have done no harm to ourselves and others. If we are climbing and we decide to stop and put our car into neutral for awhile, it will not take long for us to end up at the bottom again. We loose interest in our relationships because they become stale. Our bodies become chunky and weak. We think our God is tiny and unnecessary.
Reality? We are meant to climb. Like any living thing else that God created, we are meant to grow. When you work out, your muscles grow. Using your muscles changes the way you look, the way you feel, your physical abilities and increases your faith in order to climb mountains.
Working your emotional and spiritual muscles changes the way you see and do everything too. When we get stuck at the bottom of the mountain, we look up at other people climbing and say things to ourselves, “ They’re just showing off. They will fail just like me. They don’t care about me. I’ll restart my growth tomorrow.” Before we know it, tomorrow becomes a year, three years, 10 years, and yes, for some even twenty years and beyond. There is only one of you and God created you to be who you are. Maybe you haven’t been told this yet, but no one else will EVER fill your role in this world, so you had better get busy being you!
We need never shout across the spaces to an absent God. He is nearer than our own soul, closer than our most secret thoughts. — A. W.Tozer
Are you angry at God because your stuck? Don’t start by giving him your pretty and pathetic prayers. Get raw with him. Be real. He never tells us in the Bible to come back after we’ve gotten our act together.
I used to pray like this, “God, please fix so & so. Forgive them God.” or maybe it was something like this, “Thank you God for what you have given me. I am so thankful.” All the while, I was wanting him to fix the people that I was angry at or I was trying to fake him out so that he would believe that I was righteous and happy when we both knew that I wasn’t even close to joy. Epic fail.
One day, I finally broke. I yelled. I cried. I let God have it. I was mad that I could not visually see him. I was angry that I had to talk to him without being able to ever physically receive a hug from him as I could with another human. I told him that I was p’od, jealous, frustrated. I let him know that I felt trapped in what I thought at the time were his rules. I almost scared myself when I gave my feelings to him outloud but he knew I meant no harm or disrespect. He knew that I was lying when I held them all inside anyhow. It was probably something like when our toddlers would come to us, try to get their way and when it didn’t work they would try to charm us, then pout, then finally throw a tantrum in our arms.
In writing this, I was almost going to leave this part out but I believe that I should include it so that you understand the level of anger that God can really handle… When I finished crying, I had a rash all over my face. I was so swollen from all the tears that I almost couldn’t recognize myself. It had been the first time that I had cried an nearly ten years.
God had me in his arms. I imagine that to him I was just as sweet, honest and lovable as my daughter or son were when they got angry when they were little. He heard me, comforted me and gave me truth. I was free from being pathetic and fake! I had finally been real with God and he was able to handle it. Imagine that, God was able to handle all 5 foot 2 and 3/8 inches of me.
Is this something that only happens once? Probably not. Sometimes when you are moving up the mountain, you think you are surrounded by safe people only to find out that you haven’t been. Sometimes you think you are climbing up but you’re actually slowly slipping from becoming who God wants you to be while you chase ofter empty goals. These are the times that life really hurts and the only way to heal and get back up is to share intimately with God.
God can handle your most intimate feelings. He is not above looking down at you and shaking his head in disgust. He’s not satisfied with a close level of relationship with you. He is right next to you, asking you to share and to be honest. Give him everything you’ve got. Are you mad that you didn’t have this information about anger and intimacy earlier in life? Are you upset because this is the only way to truely connect with him? Maybe that is a good place to start…
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. – C.S. Lewis
Filed under: commitment, forgiveness, humility, imperfection, joy, love, loyalty, patience, pride, relationships
I believe that we are at our most frustrated when we don’t feel like we have the right tools to handle the tough situations that come our way… and that we become even angrier when we helped create the negative situation.
It is a painful experience to have hurt someone that you love but when we get to the point in a relationship where both parties have invested so much of themselves into the relationship; that is when we have the power to hurt one another.
Did you know that there are levels to friendship? This friendship ladder has been recreated in various ways but I will give you the version in my pocket…
Acquaintance - These are the people that you have crossed paths with but may not have even learned their name yet. You might recognize them in the church hallway, when you line your kids up at the bus stop together or when you get together at a gathering where you know a mutual friend; but, you really don’t know too much about them.
Casual - At this level of friendship, you know your new friend’s name and you maybe have talked about your kids, your work and the weather. You enjoy seeing one another because you intrigue one another or you have decided that you have a lot in common.
Close - When you become close to someone, you have tested the waters of potential friendship and have decided that you trust them enough to ask their opinion or ideas on matters that are of some concern to you like how they might handle a difficult teacher or how to make a recipe better. Men might finally let their competitive nature down just a bit and ask how to fix something on their car.
Intimate – After you have learned that you can have fun with this person, trust your their opinions & ideas most of the time and that they are safe to be with, you eventually decide that you can talk about more intimate things. Intimate means that you can discuss your feelings without being scared of being judged or without having to be concerned that what you share will go beyond the table that you are sitting at together.
Here’s the thing about the intimate level of friendship, though. You will only be able to invest and receive from about four or so of these in your lifetime. They take a lot of time, effort and giving of yourself.
These steps of friendship are not to be rated like the levels of your favorite video game. They are not forced or chosen by just one member of the friendship and they aren’t something to be accomplished and conquered. I used the word decide above. This is because whether we see ourselves as uptight or easy going, we are making decisions. Sadly, many of us decide to hide and stay below the intimate level of friendship.
I was reminiscing yesterday about a friendship that I had started in high school. I remember the day that we defined our friendship as more than at the casual level. To be honest, it was natural, awkward and one of the most amazing moments of my life.
My friend and I had just walked past some people that she had other friendships with. I heard her say something that she had said to me many times before. It triggered frustration in my heart because it was the kind of comment that, to me, seemed like you would only say to someone who was very close to you. This led me to believe that I meant no more to her than than her other relationships did. I became hurt and confused and responded very maturely with walking away and saying, “You don’t need me. You have all of them. The whole school loves you!”
I expected nothing but flattery back and I may have even been okay with flattery at that stage in my life because I was just a little, insecure high schooler trying to figure this whole friendship thing out.
What I got back from my friend was anything but flattery and empty words. She became teary eyed and responded, “Is that what you really think? Do you know how much your friendship means to me?”
I was so stunned that I was at a loss for words. She wasn’t playing my game. Had she given me empty words, I could have tossed some back and we would have been on our way to our next class. She then backed up her words with examples of why I meant so much to her and what I had given her that no one else at school had. She had just become my best friend.
We continued to work very hard at our friendship. It wasn’t stale. It wasn’t forced. It was raw, real and filled with joy. We worked hard by pushing through tough circumstances by sharing our real emotions. I think she was better at sharing emotions than I was but she showed me something new and I will never be able to thank her enough for that season of my life. It changed me forever.
Here are some questions that might help you define your relationships a little better. At what level of relationship depth are you and your parents? What level were you and your spouse when you got married? What level are you at with your spouse today? Are you raising your children so that they have the ability to share anything beyond ideas and opinions? These can be some really tough questions to answer but if you don’t develop it with your family, how will you be able to give it in a friendship?
My friend in high school is to this day a hard act to follow yet it gave me so many tools to use in my relationships today.
One last question for you… where is your relationship with your Creator? He can bring it to the table and he is waiting for you to do the same. That is a whole new blog.
Real authority is the power to serve. — Dick McMullen
I just received this quote today from a radio station update on Facebook. It got me thinking that just because you serve doesn’t mean that you carry authority and just because you have “authority” doesn’t mean that you serve. We can be authoritative or serving but each could fail us alone because they may get us stuck in a self-serving zone in which we will implode with ego.
Authority out of balance can lead constantly needing to win or look holy for selfish gain at the cost of healthy relationships.
Some of us work hard to reach “the top” but lose our ability to love and serve on the journey. Are you out of touch with those you view as “underachievers” or “average?” Do you “love” out of pity? Wait. Before you read on, please authentically answer those questions for the sake of you and those you serve.
I was just telling someone the other day that I would never want to be someone else’s “project.” How off course we are when we help someone out of our pity for them. What would happen if we viewed others who are in a lost or rough place in life while admitting to ourselves that it could be us in their shoes? Hopefully the economy today is helping us to get at least a small taste of what it is like to struggle again… what it is like to feel vulnerable. Would you want to be treated like a charity case or would you want love and respect that only the attitude of a leader who is a servant at heart can exemplify?
Servanthood, on the other hand, can lead to doing everything out of fear of what others will think of you if you don’t do what they want you to.
Mother Theresa was one of the greatest servants of all time but she carried a healthy dose of authority. Every time a “good doer” came to visit and asked how they could help her, she would place a baby in their arms and tell them to love. Many of us won’t even hold the babies in our own church nursery but we can envision ourselves in Calcutta nobly helping Mother Theresa. Why can’t we love where we are?
Holiness is not the luxury of a few. It is everyone’s duty: yours and mine. – Mother Theresa
Why is it so hard for us to think of serving others without earning a pat on the back from our pastor or whoever’s approval we are searching for?
I tried to listen to a speech that someone was giving for a charity cause awhile back. No matter how hard I tried, they couldn’t keep my attention. All I could hear was, “Please give to this charity and feel bad for them if you feel like, but really I am just up here giving this speech so that I can get a college scholarship from this charity soon.” It was painful to watch. What drives you? Scholarships? Job or church “promotions?” Family and friend’s approval? More than likely, it all roots back to one specific person’s approval. Answering these questions will help you see where you are faking love.
You cannot fake love when a baby close to death is lying in your arms. You cannot fake servanthood when it is up to you to make sure that baby gets to take her next breath. You should not fake love in your daily walk. Our first call to be a servant is in our family, hometown, and our home church.
I have been a leader who has loved as though I were “better than” and I have been someone’s charity project. As I grow and mature, I desire to not be in either of those zones again. To be served and loved is humbling and beautiful. To be led by someone who truly loves you as Jesus would is humbling and beautiful. To be someone’s charity case is ugly, degrading and doesn’t last because it is for their ego that you are in the picture.
I long to use both the melody of servant hood and the harmony of authority to call my heart to join the dance of real love… what do you think?
Do to others as you would have them do to you. – Luke 6:31
Filed under: gossip, grace, humility, imperfection, pride, relationships, sin
I am a liar. Yes, I lie. I deceive. I even hide the fact that I lie and deceive. I make bad choices. Sometimes, I make my dark choices at the speed of light but more often than not I slow down and savor my decision like those who savor an expensive wine.
I pour my probable lie, perhaps one that I have had in my sin cellar for a number of years, into my spotlessly squeaky-clean perfectly shaped wine glass — for sin without the proper setting could become unnecessarily contaminated in flavor. After all, if I am going to sin, I would like it to be worth my while. I’ve protected my bottle for a long while, making sure that no one else has broken open my investment. I have put long hours into creating, bottling and hiding my sin in a safe place, in the perfect climate conditions.
I swirl the possible consequences around, keeping an eye out for brownish discoloration and haziness. I follow with a sniff of decision, comparing it to my previous sins. Is this worth it? I must decide this quickly or I may realize that this sin is not all I thought it could be. I have invested too much thought in this to let go of it and turn away now. I must look up some Bible verses to support my lie just incase I am seen.
Finally, I may decide to fully taste the sin with a small sip. It is the perfect temperature. I swoosh it; I experience its flavors of sweetness, sourness, saltiness, and bitterness. Ahhh… sin, the forbidden fruit. It goes down with warmth.
I often consider sharing my lie with a weak friend so that I can feel better about my sip. We can laugh and be drunk on our decision. We will feel the pain of it less and sit in the relief of our justification. It will feel better together. Sin loves company.
My decisions are often careful and well thought out. I critique those who make their decisions so quickly. They are living such a messy, deceptive life filled with brown haziness and discoloration. I am a careful, methodical connoisseur. I love my job.
Then God brings me back to his voice… Who is more sinful? Who is the worst liar? The one who sips of the lie quickly and without knowledge of their Lord or a sinner saved by grace taking a slow, conscious sip of darkness using the proper procedures for avoiding their Lord?
Lord. I am a liar. I am deceptive. I need your grace. Have I shown you my cellar? Come with me, I invite you in.
And forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. Matthew 6:12
Note: The Bible does not say it is a sin to drink wine. It only says that it is a sin to be drunk. For example: Ephesians 5:17-18 “Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Wine tasting is used in my blog simply as an illustrative comparison to the process we use to decide whether or not we will act upon a sin.
Filed under: depression, forgiveness, freedom, imperfection, relationships
I have been working through a lot of “stuff” lately…. painful stuff. On the journey of grieving losses and hurts, God keeps reminding me of something, just one thing.
I recently wrote about realizing or even just remembering that when we go through tough times we are not “the exception” or, in other words, we are not “the victim.”
All of us have been victimized at one time or another but we are not meant to live under the label. We are not to be stunted by what has happened to us in our lives. How do we get through the pain though? How do we get through it all when it seems that the odds are stacked against us? How do we keep from becoming the victim when it feels like our lives are a replay like Bill Murray’s character the movie “Ground Hog Day?”
There are times when everything seems too much. We’ve heard the same opinions about ourselves from different people enough times that we might now see it as truth about ourselves. We have made enough of the same mistakes that we believe that we are doomed to replay negative habits again and again.
There are times when Satan has taken something that the Holy Spirit has shown me about myself and has twisted the truth that I received so that I doubt this precious insight from God himself. This makes me doubt my value, my efforts to change and the motives that I have in doing it. At times, Satan has even used other Christians to undermine, confuse and maybe even delay the change God had in store for me. In the end I know God works all things out for his glory but when I am in the midst of the chaos that Satan tries to use on me it can be difficult to remember this.
I was talking with a friend today and was remembering that depression comes from anger that we haven’t dealt with yet. Sometimes we cannot process anger fast enough to keep up with the pressures of new difficult situations that arise… especially when Satan places his unholy motives right in the middle of our vulnerable state of mind. When Satan uses those who are supposed to stand in prayer with us, unite with us and support us most in times of heartache; the pain becomes almost unbearable. Remember Job’s friends? I love the church body but I have to admit, even as a member of it, that we are not always the fellowship that God intended us to be. Sometimes the proud and wounded are busy re-wounding and sometimes the healed and humble are far too quiet.
I believe this is why it is so very important to remember what God has been reminding me of lately… One thing at a time. One thing at a time. We need to slow down and remember that just because we might have technology that has sped up our world doesn’t mean that we can run at full speed when it comes to our emotions. Time does not heal all wounds; in fact, I would go so far as to say it really doesn’t heal any although it does play a part in our healing process.
If you receive an email with a question that you don’t have the answer to, you don’t have to respond within ten minutes. If you get a phone call when you are busy you don’t have to answer it. If a friend hurts you, it might take you awhile to process how you feel and to decide how to deal with the situation.
It seems that our world moves far too fast now and sometimes I forget that I don’t have to keep up. One thing at a time. One thing at a time. God showed me once that if I am speaking to a congregation, then I have made the message a performance and about me. If I am speaking to one person (even when speaking to a group), I have done what he has asked me to do… I have reached one soul at a time for him. People are reached one at a time. People are helped one at a time.
I am no different on the inside. If I try to solve all of my problems at once, I have done nothing. I must grieve my hurts one at a time. If we are able to do that, we will be free. It might just take a little longer than we like. We might have to stop doing some things. We might need to make number one on our huge list: find someone to talk to one on one. We may have to talk with one person that we are still angry with at a time. We might need to journal more so that we can make the craziness and chaos that depression brings, at the very at least, slow down to a manageable state. You can get through the “stuff” and you can rest in the fact that you are not alone. God is good and he loves on us one person at a time. One person at a time.
I was in a store today when a lady and her teenage daughter walked past Brittany and I. We overheard their conversation and smiled at one another as the mom said angrily, “Fine! So that’s your Valentine’s present then!!” Now that is love if I’ve ever heard it. I can’t say that I have never said something so silly at an angry moment. I have made plenty of mistakes so far in my parenting career. That moment just made me laugh because it reminded me of how many times I’ve played the victim role in life and have given in.
I have been known to behave like I am the only person on the planet who is going through a tough moment, year or even life. There is a time to graciously step down and there is a time to grieve and let go; but, when we get caught in the trap of being “the exception”, our thinking changes from graciousness to, “Fine, I guess this is just the way my life is then, I quit trying!” We might say it to ourselves, or if we are angry enough, maybe to those closest to us. We are “the exception” after all. Poor me. It is out of the fear of the unknown or the fear of rejection that we usually find ourselves here. We fail so we don’t try. We get confused and overwhelmed, so we sabotage our work so that someone else gets the recognition. We want to have someone else’s gifts and talents so we try to live like they do instead doing what we are meant to do. It’s easy. It’s miserable. It’s safe.
On the other hand, we also might believe ourselves to be the hero. We know best. We shine. We smile. We have the answers. We keep leading others in the right way to go. I have to admit that I have played this role also. I can always tell when I have been playing the role of “the example.” My whole being changes into a prideful, ugly little self. Mind you, we should never underestimate the power that our positive attitude, gifts, grace and more have on others but when we begin to believe that we are “the example,” then we have walked a very selfish and perhaps dangerous path. Coincidently, it is out of the fear of the unknown or the fear of rejection that we usually find ourselves here too. We fail, so we cover-up. We get confused and overwhelmed, so we back away because there is another hero in the room and we don’t want to look stupid. The very reason that we always “lead” is so that we can avoid REAL relationships and being exposed for who we really are. It’s easy. It’s miserable. It’s safe.
Both the role of “the exception” and “the example” are such selfish places for us to be; yet, somehow, I can relate to both of them so well. Everyday I am seeking more and more to be who I was created to be and not a fake while I am on the journey. When I find myself in one of these zones, I try to catch myself and remind myself that I am not a victim… and yet I am not a hero.
Even in writing this blog, I feel exposed and fearful of rejection; not because I am the exception and not because I am the example, just because I am trying to be honest in front of friends, acquaintances and family who edit words, write eloquently and even those who are closest to me who have seen me behave these selfish roles out to perfection. This is hard. This is joyful. This doesn’t feel safe but this is real and it’s not a role. Tomorrow is another day to practice living it.
Filed under: forgiveness, freedom, gossip, imperfection, joy, relationships
If you had an infection and refused to go to the doctor, someone would be worried about you.
If you were forgetting your name and address, family would come around you to be sure that you received care.
If a fellow church member saw you slacking off on your Bible study lesson, they might give you a call to meet up and study together.
And I am quite sure that if your finances were going to pot, you would do everything that you could to make sure that your family’s and your own needs were met.
But what about when it comes to your soul? What would you do if someone continually hurt your heart? I’m not talking about the small stuff. I’m referring to personal remarks that “decide” who you are and label you in front of others. Perhaps your story involves being talked about in a negative way behind your back or comparisons being made. Like most anyone, I have experienced this first hand. I suppose being a pastor’s wife could be looked at in the same way that people view celebrities only in a miniature dose. We often hear about celebrities, “Well, they chose their career and now they have to deal with all the paparazzi, groupies and gossip columns. Although this may be truth for some careers and some people, they still deserve to be viewed through God’s eyes not our own selfish perceptions.
I used to protect my kids as much as I could from the “judges” around them in the church. I’ve spent conscious time training them well on how to handle difficult, hurtful things that came their way especially since they – no matter how much I help them guard their own souls – do carry some of the ministry on their hearts and minds. I have taught them how to protect their souls because they were not the ones called to ministry. You see ministry is a call from God not just a career. When credentialed, one of the questions that a pastor is asked in his or her interview is, “How and when were you called.” My kids, unless they have received their own call cannot answer this question. And all of the P.K. (pastor’s kids) out there who might be reading this are breathing a sigh of relief and saying, “Amen!”
But honestly, there were times when I’ve forgotten that I’ve needed to protect my soul as well. I don’t mean to just speaking from a pastor’s wife’s perspective because we can all relate to what I am sharing. Protecting one’s soul just looks a little different in all of our lives.
Have you ever had a jealous relative compare their skills, home, family or work to yours? Come on now, if you are honest I’m sure that you can quote the words by heart because you might even be replaying them in your mind every time you get close to the scab that you have from that moment. One of my tape-recorded soul wounds that has replayed in my head for years is, “You will ALWAYS be fatter than me.” I received this “commandment” when I was a teenager.
Have you ever had someone spurt out a past hurt they had received from you but hadn’t forgiven as though you would never change? Perhaps they have made it their job to warn everyone else around about you and how you are? This can keep us stuck in an unchanging pattern that can flip just as easily from one direction to another. I was often told that I was too quiet and shy while I was growing up. This enabled me to run down from a solo and an oral book report, which just cemented the “commandment” that I was too quiet and shy, transferring this belief to make it my very own rather than just an observance from friends and family. As a young adult, I opened up and almost became annoying while trying to break this belief system. I noticed people avoiding me because their time around me may have been uncomfortable. I had become too open. Had I remained in this pattern, I would have been wavering back and forth, not knowing who I was for the rest of my life… a wounded, lost soul.
Do you put yourself down even when you give your best work and best intentions to the things you do? I am hard on my self. I am a self-declared “first-born superstar” and every time that I do something positive it is hard for me not to only see the faults. I should have talked slower. I should have been wiser. I should have written this blog shorter.
You may need a good soul cleansing! I admitted on my Facebook page recently that I am a deep soul and if I don’t take my “emotional garbage” out daily then I can really stink. How long has it been for you? You can spray all the Bible verse Lysol on it you like… heck, you could sprinkle it with the sugar of friendship time but reality is, if you have hurts tucked away in your soul, you need to grieve them in order to move on. Grieving may or may not require the help of a professional. Grieving may or may not require going to the person or people who have hurt you. Grieving will involve boundaries. Grieving will require forgiveness. (Don’t worry, forgiveness take time. The decision can be made in an instant but the process can take anywhere from a moment to a few years, depending on the wound.) Boundaries are not reactive, childish walls that we place up and down with the way we feel. Boundaries are carefully decided upon, loving and are study so that no one is left confused.
Boundaries are one of the most difficult things I have ever had to use in my own life. I don’t like them because I get scared that the person who hurt me will tell others how they see me as distant or rude. I want to remain nice and wonderful in their eyes, especially if I am in my pastor’s wife role. Reality is, sometimes people may see you as mean. Sometimes people won’t see what they do that hurts your soul repeatedly.
Just don’t forget that you DO have a soul. You are not an exception in that way. We all have hurts. We all have pain. We all know whom we need to be careful around. Loving others looks different in every relationship that we have. Some people are just plain safer than others. Leave people room to change but be honest with yourself on the journey. God needs your soul to shine for him… scars and all but he doesn’t need your wounded soul wounding others just because you weren’t willing or didn’t see the importance of taking the time to get over stuff.
This friend is asking you. How is your soul? If your wounds are still too fresh or if you have scabs, you may need to take a break and let them heal.
Anyone have a band-aide? I am still working on some wounds of my own… and I will never be done because I love people and people sometimes bite. I won’t let it scare me. I will just use my brains along with my servant’s heart.
Lamentations 3:17: My soul has been rejected from peace; I have forgotten happiness.
1 Peter 1:22: Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart.
Filed under: accountability, commitment, success | Tags: moses, recalculate, redefine, refocus, review, success
Sometimes on the journey of life we are moving without much thought. It might feel like we are giving thought to the happenings around and within us; but, if we slow down enough we will often find that the only thoughts we have truly been giving to our situations are reactive ones. We become unhappy and we don’t know why. We ease our pain only to feel better during the duration of our fix. We busy ourselves so that we can perceive ourselves heading somewhere important when we know deep down that we aren’t going anywhere except toward the next high.
There are too many books about success to even count them all. Motivational speakers are a dime a dozen… well, maybe it costs a little more than that to hire one but there are still plenty around to choose from.
I have been thinking again about success and what it really is. I have, at least for now, come to the conclusion on at least one thing about success. Success is only acquired by daily reviewing, redefining, recalculating and refocusing on where you are, where you are going but most of all who you are becoming on the way.
I shared last Saturday that I didn’t realize what “opportunity cost” was until my daughter learned about the topic in her fifth grade homework. Moments like that always me a parent feel so intelligent, don’t they?
Just in case you too are fuzzy on the subject, I will share with you what I learned. Opportunity cost is the difference in “price” between the decisions you make and the ones you could have made. For instance, I have often heard my husband review in conversations the fact that he wished he would have invested in Microsoft stocks right after his high school graduation. The cost of his choice has left him with a few less dollars through the years and a bit more grief in his heart when the topic rises to this day.
The big catches that I see in us as humans trying to deal with opportunity costs are the process of making a good decisions (before one is made for you in many cases) and the process of grieving any losses that may or do come from your opportunity costs. Dealing with these daily decisions seems to me a character development process… becoming an adult on the inside; not just the outside. I myself have felt like a little kid on the inside many times when trying to make a decision or while trying to simmer the tantrum brewing within when I have made a poor choice.
In I Corinthians 13:11 (not coincidently, after we learn about love in the same chapter) we read “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways.” I suppose it would be easy to hope that we could make the decision to grow up on the inside once and be done with the whole feeling like a child on the thing.
Sometimes I think we should talk more about this verse at wedding ceremonies than the rest of the chapter. Imagine if we daily gave up our childish ways for one another. What if we reviewed why we got married, redefined the journey we are on then recalculated the cost of being selfish or stubborn. The cost of either of these behaviors is loneliness and fear… eventually leading to anger. I didn’t get married to feel lonely so when I count the opportunity cost each day, I can calculate that if I follow the rest of this chapter that I will be loving toward my husband and this will, no doubt, enhance the loving feelings we both have for one another. This will, in turn, create happy kids who then bring their friends over to a loving home and the gift goes on! What a reality check… when I am stubborn and selfish, I am influencing and changing my community.
We might think the sadness stops at home when our family keeps quiet but it doesn’t because it makes waves in hearts and isolates us which then makes us less successful on our ultimate mission which is the great commandment and the great commission! I am stepping out of my house in just moments and before I do, I will review how I have treated my family, how
well I have been listening and acting on what God has been saying to me. I will redefine where needed the journey I am on today and recalculate my success where needed. by the time I hop into my Jeep, I plan to be very humbly refocused on loving God and others and seeing how God will use me today to equip other people. That is my mission. I am so not qualified but am in good company with my friend and cheerleader I haven’t met yet… Moses. He doesn’t have a Facebook page so if you would like to learn more about him, you can look at Exodus 3.
Filed under: gossip, grace, humility, imperfection, patience, pride, relationships | Tags: attitude, gossip, grace, pastor, positive, shoes
Every time that I write a blog I make 100% sure that I am not writing about current feelings and observations when it comes to ministry before I type a single word. Tonight I am breaking my own rule because I feel that being honest and real about where I am today is the best thing to share. Usually I pull from my past so that others can learn from my stories and experiences. Today I am pulling my past together with my present… from both sides of ministry.
I have been in ministry of various kinds of roles from youth group vice president, class president, writer, teacher and counselor, deacon, speaker and pastor’s wife. I have been a follower, a leader, a follower that didn’t realize that she was leading and a leader who looked back to find that no one was following. In the last five years I have dedicated my skills to supporting my husband often behind the scenes in a church plant, the most difficult role of all.
Although I have had only three pastors of my own in my life: one as a child, one when I moved out on my own and my husband, I have found plenty of time to judge many. I have come to a new place of repentance today. I have had to repent for every pastor that I have ever judged…
I have sat under the leadership of a pastor that was boring, one that talked about his little kids too often, and the one who played favorites. The pastor down the road with a sweet little family of his own who had an affair with a teenager and got her pregnant, the one who had an affair with a church member, and the one who was so evangelistic that he couldn’t remember my name even though I was a part of his church for 10 years. Oh, and did I mention that his favorite hymn didn’t make sense to me and his wife sang alto which isn’t pretty to you when you are only 12 years old?
Then I remembered today the one who I admired that had an emotional affair with someone in his church and the one who joked poorly about his wife. Better yet, there was the pastor who seemed to be prideful when he won awards for his church giving so much money to missions and then I even judged another one because he was being so judgmental about the pastor who seemed prideful over his missions giving!
How about that pastor who told me I would work well with children when the only kids I had ever babysat were my two cousins because I didn’t enjoy being around kids? How out of touch was he? And that pastor who didn’t do anything about his congregation smoking in the parking lot right after church, how could he ignore such a thing? I mean, after all, it was a Sunday!
Then there was the guy who was verbally mean to his wife in front of others and was out of control angry when he went to his kid’s sports games. Some friends of mine judged his wife too. They left the church because they didn’t like it that she sang the song “I am the God That Healeth Thee,” (a song written in 1986) because it seemed to them that she was singing about how SHE was claiming to be God. Then there were all the youth pastors in training that took wearing ties to church to the utmost level of importance along with the one who annoyingly declared, “God is good…” waiting for someone to finish his sentence with the words, “all the time” as he trotted through the hallways.
I remember the pastor who spiraled into depression because someone told him he was selfish… how weak of him. No, wait, how HUMAN of him. The very men and women who are teaching us about God’s grace and have showed us grace need the very same grace that we do.
Lord, please forgive me for judging my pastors as well as my friends and family member’s pastors. Please forgive me for every phrase of theirs that I twisted and then repeated. Please forgive my attitude of pride. Please have grace on my husband and me now we are in their shoes.
I remember learning about giving grace from these men and women, learning about reaching out to others, how to worship you, how to talk with you in the private moments I have alone with you… and most of all thank you for giving me the guidance from those much wiser than I to apply your word not only to my head but allowing your truth to touch my heart and change me each step of the way.
Thank you for using the pastor’s wife who sang alto to teach me how to serve others gracefully and how to make my home warm and comfortable for others. Thank you for teaching me endurance from the pastor’s wife who endured criticism when her husband strayed from her. Thank you for teaching me the needs of missionaries that I cannot see and would easily forget about if it weren’t for my award winning pastor and evangelistic pastor who could not remember my name.
Thank you for developing my love for children through the anger I had to face when my pastor was out of touch with my discomfort around children. Thank you so much for reminding me that you are the God that healeth me through my pastor’s wife who obviously was just relaying your words to me through song.
Thank you for the nod of fatherly approval from my very first pastor before he passed away last year, even though he still didn’t get my name right. I know that he loved me and he had a bigger picture of life than I had because he saw the world through your calling.
Please forgive me for judging these lovers of people and servants of yours. Had they been perfect, I would have judged them for that too.
Filed under: humility, imperfection, pride | Tags: bank, ego, fart, hero, joy, lessons, pride, robber, robbery, stealing
When I started my banking career I had to take a training course on how to handle robberies.
I had been warned by all of my coworkers that there would be a fake robbery at some point during the evening of the training. I also worked with my best friend who gave me the heads up that I should be sure to take the drive-thru window when they sent us to our teller stations. 
She said that it would be the easiest place to pull the alarm and that when I did this I would be the hero of the night! I was so excited to have this classified information that I went to my training with confidence.
After the the police officers went over the basic information they asked everyone to take a teller window. I walked quickly to the drive-thru window in nervous anticipation. My training had become a challenge. I would seize the moment and be the superstar of the training!
As I filled out a paper with my contact information three men came loudly into the bank and began swearing, yelling and even kicking my fellow pretend tellers. I fell into emotional shock and dropped to the ground as they had directed us to do. I began to cry and well, uh, fart. My neighboring tellers laughed nervously and I felt humiliated. I froze. I failed. I farted!
I had made the mistake of believing that I was in a real robbery. The yelling, kicking, takeover robbery and the guns that grew every time that I peeked up at them made me shake in fear.
While another teller pushed her alarm button and became the hero of the training session, my branch manager came in graciously and assisted me away from the fake robbery. She placed her arm around me and it was at that moment that I knew I was not meant to be a bank teller. I stayed in that career for several years but worked my way out of the branch into an office in downtown Seattle so that I would never have to face a robbery – real or dramatized – ever again (just bomb threats!)
I had a plan at my training course. I was the hero of my own story but I ended up being the joke of the evening. Humbled, I went back to my real branch and prayed that I would never be robbed in real life. Every branch that I worked at was robbed shortly after I had moved on to another position. God watched over me and perhaps even my fellow tellers since I knew from practice that I would be the farting teller.
Maybe you cannot relate to my reaction but I’ll bet that you can relate to my dream of things not going exactly how I had planned it out. Maybe when you have felt humbled it did not involve shameful, involuntary bodily functions but we have all felt scared when we thought we should have felt confident. We have all stunk when we thought we would come out smelling like a rose and we have all felt surprised when we were sure we knew how things should go in life.
God will see us through. God is good. He sees the bigger picture and cares about us even when we have stinky attitudes. What is Satan trying to steal from you? Your joy? Your peace? Your family? Hold on tight and find the support of those who can show you the love of Jesus like my manager did. Sometimes being a hero means admitting your weaknesses and the need to lean in God’s strength.
Filed under: accountability, forgiveness, imperfection, relationships, sin | Tags: confession, excuses, journal, repentance, sin
I was flipping through an old journal notebook the other day and I read something I had written that is, I believe, a constant for us all… a place we need to visit daily in our hearts so that we can do our best for Jesus.
“Excuses are dangerous because they block true repentance.”
Solomon says in the Bible that you can know that you are “in the way of life” if you are always prepared to accept instruction and correction. If you heed correction, you acknowledge your mistakes and repent of your errors then resolve to stop doing them, you will become wise.
Proverbs 10:17 He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray.
If you are wise, you heed correction and through instruction become wiser and full of the blessed life Jesus promised.
If you are stubborn when you are corrected and offer excuses for your sins rather than confessing and forsaking them you harden your heart and continue down a pathway of ruin for yourself and for others. Typically this happens when we focus on others instead of our own attitude and hearts.
To stand on the pathway of sin is impossible. The only direction it leads us into is greater and greater darkness and decay. Never allow excuses to block the door to true repentance and pave the path to destruction.
We are always moving… either toward darkness or light.
Proverbs 6:23 For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life.
We are not usually conscience about ourselves when we are moving toward the darkness because we are wrapped up in our excuses and justifying but when we are on the road to the light of Jesus we are very conscious as it is never the wide and easy path. It takes our whole heart and mind to follow and pursue the peace of Christ. We must carefully and humbly walk the path of what Jesus would do which is a very conscious decision.
Psalm 34:14 Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
Proverbs 12:20 There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil, but joy for those who promote peace.
We need to be bold and choose a different way of living than we ever have. Every move we make requires thought to stay in the light. What will you choose today? I Plan on reading this page in my journal daily for awhile so that I am reminded that I am choosing which way I will live during each moment and each attitude… sometimes when I don’t even realize it.
Maybe if we excused ourselves a little less and excused others a little more often we would be moving toward a good start.
Filed under: accountability, commitment, relationships | Tags: commitment, goal, seeds, sunflowers, unity, vision
Four thousand miles. I know, that statement is just a fragment but it is such a grand accomplishment that it deserves it’s own period! While driving to Wisconsin and back our family has seen enough wheat to feed our horses for four thousand years!
Wheat in fields, in bales, in giant rolls… it was everywhere! At first it was beautiful but then it was boring.
Finally! After hours of blah, we drove by one of the most beautiful fields I have ever seen. A field of sunflowers had me struggling to find my camera. At the speed of traffic I took a few shots and then it was back to visions of wheat.
I have always liked sunflowers but I had never imagined what a field of them would look like.
I remember when I planted my first garden as a newlywed. I had about ten lofty sunflowers all in a row. Every morning they all faced the east and every evening they turned to the west to watch the sun go down. I loved their unity. I loved that they all agreed on one thing. They agreed that they liked to bask in the sun.
Funny thing about the fields of sunflowers along the freeway. They too stood in agreement. It didn’t matter that there were more then ten. They all stood for the same thing, the sun.
I pondered why someone would have a sunflower farm. I brilliantly came to the conclusion that they would grow sunflowers for the seeds. Ahhhh…. the seeds.
That got me thinking about baseball which then got me thinking about my son’s baseball cards. After that I wondered if he had cleaned his room before we had left on vacation… but I won’t take you too far down that road since I have a better thought to give you today.
What would happen if we all agreed on the Son? What if we all decided to keep God’s word close to our hearts, basked in his presence and allowed that to be the filter which all decisions went through before they were acted upon in our lives? Ahhhh… seeds.
What if we remembered that we were here for the seeds?
Ahhhh… seeds that would produce more love.
Ahhhh… seeds that would share the good news of Jesus with everyone we know.
Ahhhh… seeds that would sooth other people’s souls.
What a beautiful thing it would be!
Filed under: commitment, faith, patience | Tags: distance, endurance, faith, race, running
Romans 5:3-5 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
We have heard it said many times… “We do things out of love or we do them out of fear.” When we do not take inventory of our motives, we tend to live quickly and reactively to everything and everyone around us out of fear. We are afraid of being rejected.
When we are fearful about something, we often get angry with ourselves for feeling that way. When we get angry, we behave poorly. We behave poorly by over or under do things that keep us disconnected from what is going on inside of ourselves.
We remain disconnected through our poor behaviors which become addictions. It is easier to stay at work late than to finish the argument with your spouse. Maybe spending hours online is easier than validating your child for success he has in an area of school that you didn’t do well in yourself. It is not always easy to see how these seemingly small choices can affect the rest of our lives at the time we choose to do them, but they do over time.
Why is it such a big deal? How can one night online change my life? Every time we cave to the temptation to choose to avoid reality, we choose to have a lack of faith. We can trust God for we know how dearly God loves us but that doesn’t mean that it is always going to be easy to have faith in him when things are awkward or tough.
Every time we make the right choice, God will walk us through it and our faith will grow stronger. On the other hand, every time we choose to treat temptation like it’s no big deal, our faith will become weaker. Truly we behave our way out of faith. More than likely, anyone who has stepped away from God did so slowly. One step at a time, steps that seemed so small, until finally our faith is small or gone. Maybe it can help us to consider this. Giving into temptations steals from our family, our future, our friends, and our faith.
God loves you. He has never changed his mind about how much he cares for you. Have you changed your mind about him? It might be that you have completely walked away. It might be that it is just a few things that you are hanging on to or maybe you’ve been holding onto a lot of fear deep inside. What do you need to stop avoiding today? What keeps you down when you want to be running the race with faith? We can be sure that we will gain so much joy when we endure, do the right thing and keep growing our faith. The race isn’t always easy but it does make us stronger.
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.
You don’t have to be first to know how good it feels to finish a marathon so don’t compare yourself to anyone else, just be ready to have faith when God says go!
Filed under: forgiveness, imperfection, patience, relationships, sin | Tags: forgiveness, grace, humility, imperfection, mistakes, sin
I was decorating sugar cookies today. It is a hobby that I enjoy because my mom and I used to do it together when I was in high school. We made cookies all of the time for my class as a senior trip fund raiser. 
Today’s cookies were a basic smiley face. They brought joy to my heart as I made the little smiles and eyes. I was a little scared that I might mess up on them though. Black icing on yellow icing can lead to big mistakes that cannot be fixed.
Then my mind wandered… when I was about 5 years old I was so excited about a gift and card that my parents had brought home so I could give it to my friend at her birthday party. I probably jumped the gun by taking the card and a coloring crayon to it as soon as I could. I decided to use my creative skills and draw a smiley face inside. Oh, so that’s how my mind connected the cookies to my wandering thoughts! It wasn’t long before I was wearing a sad face because I had drawn one eye much bigger than the other.
With big tears in my eyes I tried and tried to make both eyes the same size. I would make one eye bigger, and then try to scrape the black crayon off the extra large eye. Soon it looked like my smiley face had a black eye! The more I tried, the smudgier (is that even a word?) and the messier my smiley face looked. My parents let me know that it was okay but that they couldn’t go out and get a new birthday card for me so that I could start fresh.
Don’t you think sometimes we do this in our Christian walk? We try to over compensate for our pain. Trying to make ourselves appear more balanced and prettier than we feel on the inside.
Has church become a place where you wear a smiley face so that you don’t have to show how you really feel? Have you come to find that fellowship means being over joyful so that you don’t inconvenience your friends? If that is what church has become for you, how about trying something new? Try connecting at a real level with someone besides your pastor in a counseling session when all seems lost. Start with the little things and see if you can trust someone. Ask someone to coffee so you can get past the Sunday morning smiles.
I humbly gave my card to my friend for her birthday. Will you take a brave step today too and share your “blobs” with a friend?
Filed under: relationships | Tags: ego, mom, pride, relationships, soccer, teamwork
I was in a store the other day and overheard a little boy who looked about six years old talking to his mom. It was one of those one way conversations where mom was looking at purses and her brown haired, brown eyed little soccer player was telling her how he was going to conquer an opposing team single handedly.
He was so cute that I couldn’t help but listen in as he started to figure out his big plan, “Mom, I’n not gonna pass that soccer ball, ya know. I’n a good kicker so I’n jus’ gonna kick dat ball all the way down the field by myself.”
Mom replied without even knowing that she did, “Uh huh.”
He continued, “Yeah, I’ll jus’ push the other team outta the way & I’n gonna be so fast they won’t even see me comin’ then I can make a goal all by myself.”
“Uhh huh. That’s great, honey…” mom picked up a little black purse and looked at the price tag.
As her son stepped into superhero mode by displaying his winning kick, he had already claimed the praise he would soon deserve, “Yep, then my team will all cheer for me really loud ’cause I did it all by myself and the other guys will be crushed & they’ll never want to play against me again!”
Inside I chuckled about how hard this little guy’s coach had probably worked to help this boy and his team learn to pass the ball to one another. I’m sure the coach had talked about how a team is not a one man show while mom had unconsciously just commended his new idea of playing a superhero who would get all of the credit.
Really though, this is not a new idea at all. We all have envisioned ourselves playing the superhero but I don’t have to tell you that superheroes aren’t real. Capes aside, we all need one another.
I remember being a kid and kicking the soccer ball down the field during the one whole month that I played. Our coach was always reminding us to look for our teammates if we had the ball and to make ourselves available if we didn’t have the ball. I was always too scared to look up and pass the ball. I guess I thought that if I looked up that I might get kicked in the shins.
Feels that way in life sometimes too, doesn’t it? If I look up, someone else might come in and take away the credit. I need to do this all by myself.
It’s all about relationship with God and other people. It’s good to look up. So, let’s play ball and we’ll give God the credit.
Filed under: gossip, imperfection, patience, sin | Tags: anger, bitterness, fresh start, gossip, perceptions
I went down to the coop to visit our chickens today and they had laid one new egg. We have brown, tan and even green eggs now. The rooster was beautiful yet fiesty with his ruffled feathers and attitude that wouldn’t quit. I think he was protecting his lady chickens from me.
Have you ever let your feathers be ruffled by the things that you perceive? It is a slippery slope we head down when we decide to start adding our perceptions with little “facts” about friends. We let the sum of these two things eat away at our respect for others.
I saw a t-shirt on a young lady while at Disneyland that read “Respect is earned.” Seemed like an ok statement for a moment but then I gave it a little more thought. If our trust in others is broken while we are young, we tend to look at everything through eyes of mistrust. No one can earn your trust unless you allow them to. If you cannot give them your trust, how can you respect them? Respect follows trust. Trust comes when we believe the best in others.
I have a dear friend who understands this. As we talked over coffee she shared with me that her husband had come in one day after talking to another neighborhood dad. He shared with her that the neighbor’s foster daughter had been through a lot of things in her life. Horrendous, life altering things. My friend politely asked her husband to please not share the stories because she adored the neighbor girl and wanted to be able to give her little friend an opportunity for a fresh start on life. What an amazing testimony to my dear friend’s character.
What thoughts do you hold inside that are based on your perceptions of others? Are you willing to give others a fresh start? Can you trust those you love? I pray a fresh start for you and those you love today. I think we could all use fresh starts more than ruffled feathers.
Filed under: commitment, patience | Tags: coffee, consistancy, foam, froth, gifts, smoothie
Consistency. There is a lot to be said about being able to be counted on.
I count on my hair stylist to cut my hair just right every time I visit. I count on Jamba Juice employees to make my favorite orange drink exactly right without using too much energy boost powder which can make it taste fuzzy. I count on my family and friends to respond with love and warm fuzzies every time I see them.
When you are consistent, you earn other people’s trust.
I bravely tried two different small latte stands last weekend. I am embarrassed to say that I spent a total of $7.00 trying to find the perfect coffee smoothie. You know those times when you get in the mood for something and can’t shake it? I was in one of those.
The first place I went to handed me a mocha coffee with small chips of ice floating at the top and the second place was more of the same with something unidentifiable but frothy going on in the middle. Neither tasted like something I would give to another human being, at least not to anyone that I liked.
It was then that I began to reflect on how important it is to give it your best and then be consistent. I like going to latte stands where I can count on my favorite coffee being served just right. It has nothing to do with the size of the coffee stand. For instance, there is a little coffee house in Plains, Montana that really knows how to make a coffee smoothie – Montana High Espresso. The lady there uses real ice cream and makes them really thick. Of course, I never said they were good for you, but boy are they delicious! They are so consistently delicious that I mentioned them to an ebay customer from that city and she knew right away which latte stand I was referring to.
No matter what your age, size, financial status or your perception of the gifts you have been given to use while on this earth, remember to use what God has given you consistently and do your best. It is not through big showy moves that we earn another’s trust but by consistency.
When others think of you, do they think flakey or consistent and dependable? Something to ponder over a coffee smoothie perhaps.
Filed under: accountability, sin | Tags: accountability, addictions, exception, friends, human nature, racoon, sin, trust
We just returned from a few days off camping. One night I heard some noises and thought the six baby squirrels we had been watching all day had come out to play again but it turned out to be one large set of glowing eyeballs looking my way instead.
Now, I’m no dummy, in about the first grade I learned about wild animals and how even the cutest creatures can be dangerous. The picture of a hissing raccoon in a cage, teeth and all, came back to haunt me as I backed away from the glowing eyes that were just about 5 feet away from my campfire chair.
I talked to John in the same tone of voice we had used many times when our kids couldn’t spell. In code and with careful steps, I told him that I was making my way to the “t-e-n-t.” Lucky for me, the raccoon didn’t understand as much as I thought he did and he just sat there happily eating his shelled peanuts.
We pulled out our flashlights and cameras after we alerted the kids who peeked out of the tent door. They were thrilled and the raccoon looked as though he was at a modeling shoot. We got some good poses but after awhile he began to grab a peanut and then stepped out of site to eat it. He would return only to do more of the same. When the photoflashes didn’t stop, he decided he’d had enough and vanished into the forest.
I wanted so badly to ignore everything I had learned in elementary school and go try to hug the adorable, cuddly looking animal. Surely our situation was the exception to the wild animal rule. He looked friendly, lived at a state campground, accepted our peanuts and even posed for our pictures — pictures that I cannot wait to scrapbook, by the way! :)
You know me; a story isn’t a story until there is a moral to it, right? Like our family’s raccoon friend, this little story is no exception.
When we think we are the exception to God’s standard of living, we will get hurt in life. These hurts also affect those we love. Just like my good fear of raccoons from the first grade, we should hold onto the truth that we are all capable of coming too close to temptations and trouble and plan now to take the steps necessary to get away from it so that if “glowing eyes” come our way we are prepared to get out of a potentially dangerous situation.
As harmless as whatever comes our way might look at first glance, we must remind ourselves of the “wild in the raccoon” and give up our cozy seat by the campfire to be safe from harm. There are no exceptions. This goes two ways for we are not superhuman and wild raccoons are not harmless cuddly stuffed animals.
Get away before it even so much as hisses (flee), shine the light bright (bring God into it), share your situation with others (bring trusted friends in for accountability) and be ready to watch it run away (yippee)! Every time you do these steps, you faith gets stronger and stronger. We love to hear about your growth in your Christian walk. Be sure to share your success stories with Pastor John and I and be encouraged. We are praying for you everyday!
This weekend we had a big surprise birthday party for my parents. What a great day it was! The days before were busy. We cleaned our house from top to bottom for guests, some of whom we hadn’t seen for years, all while my mom and dad watched and wondered what we were up to.
Since my parents live with us right now, it was not until the night before the party that I had a chance to try, emphasis on try, to decorate their birthday cake. With the above 100 degree weather at our house the icing began to melt, and for some reason, the cake began to as well.
I could not figure out what was happening! I had decorated many cakes before. Being a professional cake decorator’s daughter, mom had taught me the tricks of the trade but chunks of the deliciously moist chocolate cake were literally falling off the sides and crumbs were everywhere.
I finally gave up my Martha Stewart persona and reluctantly tossed the cake into the trash. Brittany was shocked and asked what had happened. I told her that I thought someone had snitched cake from the side and so the rest of the cake was weak and falling apart too. She smiled slyly and a
dmitted that she had had a very small piece of the edge of the cake while walking by earlier in the day.
John joined the end of the cake tossing ceremony in the kitchen as Brittany gave him the “mom’s not happy look.” He too asked what had happened. After telling him my story and hoping for some sympathy, he laughed and said, “Well, I’m sure that isn’t what caused the problem but I had a small piece off the edge.”
We all decided that it was bedtime and I took a mental note that I needed to stop by the grocery store to pick up a not-so-personal birthday cake in the morning.
We were up early the next morning putting our birthday celebration plans in place when Josiah asked where the cake was. I told him about my dilemma while he took the chocolate scented garbage bag outside. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “Oh, yeah. I had just a tiny piece off the edge.”
After calculating all the small pieces that each family member had torn off the cake, I began to think, “Isn’t that just how it works.” We think the small things won’t matter too much but they really can add up to a crumby mess and may eventually even fall apart. God loves you so much. Consider what he would have you do in every little step and he’ll be able to decorate your life with awesome blessings!
Filed under: imperfection
Ooooo Ahhhh… Ouch! Have you ever had a neighborhood fireworks show?
We’ve been to quite a few. Some were great but some were just down
right scary. We had one neighbor who was making bombs in his garage
years ago. After that year, we started hosing down our house and taking
off to the big community fireworks shows. At our last neighborhood we
had wonderful neighbors that were able to throw a great party without
too much of a risk. Well, uh, unless you count the time that one large
firework tipped over and started shooting toward a house on our block.
Then
there is the mess the next day. These are pictures of last year’s big
neighborhood show…. and mess. Looking at these pictures just got me
thinking. How many times in life we want the good stuff but forget that
the messes are a part of the journey too. You can’t have a parade
without horses doin’ their thing in the road. You can’t have a lovely
face without a good product, like those green face masks, or at least
good cleansing scrubs. A picnic without ants? Kids without little
mishaps?
I was watering my garden the other day and stepped on a
sticky slug. The slime was right between my toes! I read a book
recently that said our kids aren’t getting enough dirt in their play
life to stay healthy… and we all know what happens if you don’t get
enough fiber. All that to say, we can be thankful for the lessons,
mishaps and messes along the way. Many of them are needed to live a
full and healthy life. Just remember, your neighbors are going through
the same things. We are in this together and nothing and no one is
always perfect.
P.S. I tried to find the good qualities of slugs
but haven’t found anything yet! If you look up slugs on wikipedia.org,
guess where one of the slug pictures was taken. Yep, you got it! Right
here in North Bend. Ugh!
